I’m a little wary about writing this.
The reason for my skittishness is that I don’t want my frustrations to be misunderstood. But I think I need to try to find someway to share these frustrations; otherwise they will eat me alive.
Anyone that knows me knows that I am a bit focused on new churches. I’ve really wanted to see new Disciples of Christ churches in Minnesota reaching various populations. Last year, there seemed to be some passing interest with a few people, but in the end none of the people who expressed interest were that passionate to do anything.
What has also frustrated me is the lack on interest in new churches. For reasons that allude me, Disciples clergy and lay alike don’t seem to be rushing to find ways to plant new communities.
One thing you need to know about someone like me who has autism (and maybe ADHD as well). When we believe in something, we are all in. There is no half steps, no casual participants. This belief is hard to let go. It’s like trying to stop a freight train, it just ain’t gonna happen.
If I were in a church and saw someone like that, I would have a talk with them They would be the best workers because they believe this. Really, really, believe this. But I think most churches and middle judicatories don’t know how to deal with someone like me.
It was the crazy speeding train passion that led me to start a church 10 years ago. I still had a lot to learn and I made mistakes, but I felt I was able to find a place to channel my obsession. Community of Grace never worked out and it was closed a few years later, but it was a fun ride.
I don’t know if I want to do that again, partially because I have a church to worry about and partly because I lack the people skills needed.
But I still want to see new churches. What is frustrating is that it seems like no one else in my denomination here in Minnesota is interested.
I know that starting new churches is not everyone’s cup of tea. I know there are other things that mainline churches are involved in such as social justice issues. I know that most people aren’t this obsessed about this issue. I know that my passion/obsession has pissed people off in my denomination (and for that I’m sorry).
I wish I could just be able to push this aside. But this desire isn’t something I can switch off, as much as I would like it to.
I don’t think I can plant another church, at least at this time. But I do want to help others (if there are others). I do want to spread the word on this.
This post is not supposed to be a bitchfest. It is showing how sometimes my autism and church life collide. It’s hard to have a desire or calling, and be told no.
I have no idea if this blog makes any sense. Maybe I have to learn as hard as it is to do, that sometimes your passions have to be set aside.
I guess that makes sense, but it is hard to accept.